Most parents know that their behavior has an impact on their children's mental health, now and perhaps forever.
With the spread of the epidemic, school closures, the climate crisis, and political and economic uncertainty, this year has made it difficult for anyone to reasonably keep it.
The good news is that children do not need us to be pillars of power amid the debris. A parent's anxiety or depression does not mean that the child will inevitably suffer from anxiety or depression now or in the future.
What matters most to us is how we deal with these disturbing feelings. This is the case both as parents or children suffering from anxiety or depression.
The relationship between the mental health of parents and children
Marcy Burstein, a clinical psychologist and employee at the American Institute of Mental Health, who researched the topic, explained that there is a long-term relationship between mental health problems of parents and children.
Children of parents with anxiety disorders are four to six times more likely to develop anxiety disorder in their lives, and children of depressed parents are three to four times more likely to develop depression. These disorders often appear in childhood or adolescence.
The reason, however, remains uncertain. Burstein said it's likely to be a combination of genetics, biology and the environment. Also, it is not always something that goes from parent to child;
"This is a chicken and egg phenomenon." The relationship between father and child is a two-way and complex relationship."
But no matter where and how mental illness begins -- which may be impossible to determine precisely -- Burstein wants parents to know that no one bears the blame.
Elie Leibowitz, director of the Anxiety Disorders Program at the Yale Center for Child Studies, agrees.
When it comes to children suffering from anxiety and depression, it is rarely thought that a parent's suffering with mental health is the direct cause.
"There is still an idea that all wrong lies with parents, and that mental health, as a system, has a long history of doing so," Leibowitz said.
This does not mean that parents have no effect on the mental health of their children. It all depends on how you respond.
Emotional suffering is inevitable. Life is painful and uncomfortable for all of us at some point. You're probably very repulsive or toxic (or both), and it doesn't help anyone, especially you.
Sometimes, anxiety and sadness can be controlled without professional help. Sometimes they are so strong that they are considered clinically disturbed and require professional help.
In both cases, denying this pain can cause harm to our children and ourselves in the long run. The thing for emotional health to do, which is also the hard and courageous thing to do, is to recognize our struggles in front of our children and model a healthy response to them.
"Children look to parents to understand their reality and the world," Leibowitz said. It starts in childhood." He referred to a study in which children responded to their parents' facial signals when deciding whether to crawl on a transparent floor. The children of frightened parents stopped crawling. Those whose parents seemed calm continued to crawl.
"This is an important way to get to know what is safe, dangerous, happy and sad," he said.
That doesn't mean we always need to show up quiet. When we are concerned about Covid-19, forest fires, racism or financial insecurity - or because we suffer from clinical anxiety disorder - we must recognize it face to face with our children in an age-appropriate manner.
For young children, the words "sad" and "scared" are likely to be better options than "depressed" and "anxious."
Age-appropriate conversations about anxiety and depression can help a number of things.
First, talking to your children makes these feelings normal and shows the kids that it's ok to recognize and express them. Secondly, communication ensures that children know that parental stress and anxiety are not the children's fault. Finally, when parents talk about what they do to deal with these feelings, they show their children how to deal with their harsh feelings.
If a child is afraid to go to the park because she is afraid to be infected with THE CORONA virus there, don't say, "I understand you're scared and we're not going." Instead, say, "I understand you're scared, but we know it's safe, and I know you can do it."
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